Mother Lies in Trauma Center After Stroke
At the beginning of September my mother passed away. I had stopped home to pick up some things at lunch when I heard what I thought was an awful song on the radio. I searched and then discovered my mother on the floor incapacitated by a massive stroke. I called for help and she ended up at the local trauma center where doctor’s finally agreed that at 90 1/2 years of age there was nothing they could do for her.
I arranged to have her transported to a beautiful hospice and summoned my seven siblings and their children to her bedside. Everyone came immediately and she passed with six of her grandchildren in various stages on her bed. One was brushing her hair. Another held a cup for her to sip Coke. Several were stroking her arms and massaging her feet. Over 20 of her direct descendants were there. It was exactly how she wanted it… quick, painless and her loved ones at her bedside.
Everything went very smoothly because she had taken the time with my prodding to clearly write out her exact wishes. When we sat down to put her wishes on paper it was often traumatic, argumentative, and simultaneously calming. I now know that completing her will and medical directive were the best things I ever did for me and my mother.
The doctor’s at the trauma center were clear that I was a lucky one because all I had to do was follow her directive. He bemoaned the fact that most people fail in this because it is too uncomfortable and then when the end is near they are left arguing and fighting. The lesson is to take the time and energy to have a medical directive that clearly states every contingency. We were able to grieve and stay bedside because we did not have any decisions to make when we were so emotional.
To this day when something of importance happens I want to call her and tell her about it. It is all a part of grieving. The hospice provided information about grieving that was a help. I noticed that everyone grieves in their own way and sometimes I did not feel comfortable with other people’s comments even though I knew that they were given thoughtfully. It is difficult for those who care about you because there is no training class for dealing with a loved ones passing. But there are many groups that offer support after a loved one passes and it is fine to take advantage of them.
Here are a few helpful links to sites that offer information and help:
